Having Faith in the Face of a Storm

Posted On August 12, 2013

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Well, friends I have had a royal crap storm of a day.  It was a Murphy’s Law kind of day, to be sure.  You know the ones, don’t you?  The everything that can go wrong, does, kind of life happens days?  We have all had them, haven’t we?

I am not going to lie.  I did not handle it well.  There were tears.  A lot of tears.  I ran through the entire realm of emotions that one can experience in a 24 hour period.  And I am relatively certain that it is not over yet.

So this got me to thinking.  How does one continue to have faith in the face of a raging storm?  How do you pick up the pieces and move on when all you want to do is continue to crumble?  After all, falling to pieces and crying and completely losing it can be almost cathartic, right?  But is it productive?

The answer is no.  Nothing can be accomplished while you are in an emotional turmoil.  And the more I allow my emotions to control my life, the harder it is to refocus, recenter and face what really needs to be done.

I am a thinker, a planner.  I do not generally let my emotions control and guide me.  I am a list maker.  I am the one that has a plan and a schedule and a routine that I rarely deviate from.  You know what?  Those that seek to destroy my faith and my ability to cope thrive on when I lose it.  Do I want to let anything have that kind of power over me?  I shouldn’t.

And yet, when things get so overwhelming, I will generally break.  my resolve will falter and I lose all sense of who I am, where I want to be, and what I want to accomplish.  Emotions do not solve anything.  They never have and they never will.  

But how does one have faith in the middle of a crapstorm?  How do you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remember that you are not in charge and that there is a plan?  Because I still struggle with that one.

I still struggle to retain control of the things in my life that feel the most out of control.  I still struggle with trying to lead the way, blaze the trail of my own destiny and sometimes I need to be reminded that it just does not work that way.

My faith has faltered and I stand at a crossroads, possibly as a direct result.  Do I continue to let these circumstances and situations control me?  Or do I reach out from the ledge and jump and accept that I will not go crashing to the earth?  That there is someone/something out there that cares about me, even when I have lost the ability to do so for myself?

The hard and fast answer to all of that is, truthfully, I have no flipping idea.  Faith has always been a struggle for me.  My faith in humanity is definitely wavering right now.  It would be a lie if I told you otherwise.  But can my faith in something so much greater recover?  Possibly.  If I learn to accept a few simple facts.

  1. I am not in charge today.
  2. Who is in charge does not need my help running the show.
  3. If I keep falling flat on my face, maybe it is time to tie my shoes.
  4. Maybe if I stopped putting my faith in people and things, I would not get let down so much.
  5. And for the big one….  I cannot control anyone else’s actions but my own.

I need to take a step back and look at what is happening around me.  The most excruciating blows have come when I was trying to run the show and refusing the accept that I needed much more help than any human being could give me.

I need to make a plan that includes my having faith that I will be guided in the direction I need to go.  The next right answer will reveal itself to me….  When I am ready for it.  When I have taken the steps to get myself ready for it.

I need to renew my center of balance.  I need to remember that life is about the journey.

Will I do this perfectly and without exception every time?  Absolutely not.  But it is a journey and a process.  Every day takes me a step closer.  I need to remember not to miss any of it, because every experience will shape the woman I become.  I am not done yet.

The biggest thing I need to remember?  Don’t give up before the miracle happens.  Because it is out there for every one of us.  I just have to remember that it is coming, and be open to the possibilities.  

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