Very Frustrated Mommy Today

So, I find myself being a very frustrated parent today. I am sitting here watching my little baby girl and I just want to cry. She is sitting in her playpen watching cartoons, but if you weren’t here, you would not know that less than an hour ago, she had yet another seizure. This one was a pretty bad one, too. Nothing could get her attention. She just stared off, eating one grain of rice at a time, and you could just tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t there, didn’t notice what was going on around her, and for a few moments, nothing in the room existed.

I often wonder where she goes when she “wanders off” like this, and it seems they come more and more often as she gets older. And yet, I am frustrated because this is a journey we have walked for 15 months now.

You see, Lauren is 18 months old. She has had these frustrating little “moments” since she was about 2 or 3 months old, and we are no closer to an answer now than we were then. Today’s was the worst she has had in months. I was lulled into the complacency of thinking that they were getting better and maybe she was outgrowing them, and then today, BAM, here we are again.

She has had neurological evaluations and EEGs, but the news is always the same: “We just aren’t seeing it, and we cannot find anything wrong.” As a mother, that makes me absolutely want to SCREAM!!!!

Today’s event was witnessed, which gives me a small amount of solace in that at least now people will know that I am not exaggerating what we deal with on a day to day basis, and what we are always hoping we won’t see on any given day. But it does not really bring any comfort at all. I really wish some days that I were exaggerating and that this was not really happening, because if you have never had a child with health problems at all, you cannot possibly understand how frustrating it is to know that there is nothing you can do at all to help, to make it better, to make your child know that you are helping them and trying to fix the problem. Mostly because there does not seem to be a fix. There is nothing I can do to prevent them. There is nothing I can do to stop them once they happen, and there is nothing I can do to ease the utter FEAR in my child’s eyes when she finally comes out of the haze that this creates in her mind.


4 Responses to “Very Frustrated Mommy Today”

  1. memyselfandkids

    That must be very frightening. I hope a clear diagnosis is made shortly and she can be helped.

    • Lisa LaVergne-Pottgen

      Thank you for your kind words. It has been a long journey, and I am sure it is not over yet, either.

      • memyselfandkids

        Stay strong.

      • Lisa LaVergne-Pottgen

        I am trying. Because they are not convulsive seizures, but absence seizures, they are very difficult to quantify, and often will not show on an EEG

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