Well, if this is what “family” is like….

Posted On April 20, 2012

Filed under Uncategorized

Comments Dropped 2 responses

Fair warning, I am pretty angry and hurt right now, so this is expected to be a full out rant, so to those with limited sensibilities, I apologize ahead of time.

I found out last night that my grandmother died.  No one had the decency to pick up the phone and tell my father that his mother had passed away, and my cousin was able to get ahold of me on facebook and tell me what was going on, but has already gotten crap from the rest of the family about it, or will before too much longer if he has not already.

Last night, I was okay, but today I snapped.  I called the aunt who had been caring for her and lost my mind.  I ranted and raved and yelled and cursed and screamed.  This is not me.  I generally have better control of my emotions than this.

Effectively, because of a bunch of petty garbage that has nothing to do with me, I was cut off from the rest of my family on my dad’s side, and not only is that not fair, but it is wrong.  Family is family and these things should not happen.

I feel very defeated, very lost right now.  I feel set aside and like I don’t matter and don’t exist.  My whole childhood, I felt invisible, and now I am reliving that.

To my cousins and aunts, I am sorry that you feel that I am that unimportant.  To the few of you who have tried to stay in contact with me, Billy, Dani, thank you.  At least you guys still have a heart and remember that we were just kids, we didnt have anything to do with the bad blood.  I wish we could teach the adults and the rest of our cousins that.  I got accused of not trying to get ahold of anyone and that I could have made the effort.  I did.  I have been trying to get back in contact with everyone, and have met a brick wall every time.

I have three beautiful, wonderful children that may never know their extended family, for petty crap that I have nothing to do with.  When all of these things happened, my brother and I were kids.  KIDS.

When my grandmother was still in Florida, and I was old enough to drive.  I tried to go see her once a week.  I just showed up on her doorstep the first time.  I took my oldest to see her a few times, he was very little, so he does not remember, but he was there.

I was asked how it was fair that my aunt had no help from family in caring for my grandmother the last year.  My father and I did it with my grandfather.  We were the only ones.  I was 19 years old.  I held the mans hand while he was in a coma, and you will never understand how hard that was for me.  I was still a kid, fighting my own demons, my own shattered past, and yet I did what I needed to do.  My dad and I made sure everyone knew what was going on.  I personally helped cover the cost for my uncle to get here then.  I would have extended that to any of them, if they had asked.  No one asked, I felt like no one cared.

So, at least now I know.  I know what family really looks like.  I know who the few of them are that actually give a damn about anyone but themselves, and I will try to move on.  But I am a loving, caring woman to whom family is very important, and that leaves a scar.  I have to explain to my children as they get older why they have no family outside of what they see every day on my side, and they will not understand.

Every action has consequences, and affects more than just what you can see.  Please remember that.


2 Responses to “Well, if this is what “family” is like….”

  1. Eve

    Can’t tell you how much I relate to your post. My family is all kinds of brick-walled, too. I refer to my family as a Jerry Springer show waiting to happen. Hang in there.

    • Lisa @ Just Another Rabid Reader

      It never really gets any easier, does it? A few of the brick walls have at least started to come down, and a few connections have been made, but as you will see from my most recent post, it hasn’t gotten any easier for me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s